Hope (chapter one to end)
by eva
Summary: previously entitled The Wish. when i completed the story (my first long fanfic), i thought Hope made more sense. it's about spike getting a wish. for all you readers that disapprove of Buffy and Spike together, stay away.


okay. before i wrote the chapter four you're going to read, i wrote a completely different ending but then i thought it was nothing but cruddy fluff (nothing against fluff of course) so i deleted three pages of work. just wanted everyone to know my pain. but i like this ending more anyway.   
  
i added all the chapters together. for those that read chapter three (which i removed) and just wants chapter four, scroll down. you won't miss it.   
  
this story took place approximately three months after riley left buffy. enjoy.  
  
  
  
Hope  
  
Chapter One  
  
It was a quiet night and everything was silent and peaceful in the crypt until a small figure crashed through the weak wooden door, quickly followed by a larger figure, a much larger figure. Spike was startled from his dozing and woke to screaming and growling.   
  
"What the hell..." was all Spike could get out before the smaller or the two figures dove behind the chair he was resting in and the larger figure knocked him aside. The massive creature grasped the other creature's shocking dark blue hair and slammed it against the stone wall, growling with a thundering voice, its huge stone-colored fist balled around the other creatures neck while Spike lay on the floor, trying to sit up and gasping for unneeded breath.   
  
"Give me your wings, little one, or you will pay with your life." The other creature's lavender eyes glared up at gray ones defiantly, thins arms flailing about trying to free itself in vain. The stone creature screamed in frustration, its jaws wide open showing off an impressive collection of sharp teeth. It raised its fist up, ready to crush the other's skull with one punch but it stopped short when a slab of stone struck it's back, crumbling like clay to the floor on impact. When the creature slowly turned its head to look at Spike, it let go of the frail thing it held captive.  
  
Spike swallowed and took a few steps backward when he saw the creature was seemingly unharmed. A huge muscled arm swung down and struck the vampire on his chest and within seconds, Spike was airborne, flying across the room and cracking the opposite wall.   
  
"Oh bloody..." Spike groaned as he tried to get on his feet and was interrupted again when he felt a hand encircled his throat. Spike was lifted off the ground and he looked up to stare into cold gray eyes. His words were cut off when the creature applied pressure to Spike's neck with an intent to tear his head off. "Wonderful," Spike thought, "I'm going to die staring into the ugliest face in the world." He closed his eyes and tried to imagine Buffy, her smiling angelic face, her golden hair, and her hazel eyes, and was interrupted by a quiet chanting coming from behind the creature.   
  
The beast growled and let go of Spike, the vampire falling with a thud to the floor. It spun around and began running towards the forgotten and mumbling creature huddled near the door, growling menacingly, its voice drenched with fear. Five steps from the bluish human-shaped creature, it exploded into a thousand times a thousand particles of dust, like a vampire would if it was pierced through the heart with a wooden stake.   
  
  
  
Chapter Two  
  
Spike sat in the second-hand chair, drumming his fingers on the armrest, wondering if he should call the slayer or not. After all, the being laying on his couch was clearly inhuman and so was the exploding creature that now littered the stone floor. The unconscious creature was thin and its midnight blue hair was swept back to reveal ears that ended in two points at the side of its head. It was impossibly thin and its light blue skin glittered and glowed even though there was no light in the crypt. Spike was still debating with himself when the thin creature stirred and woke from its deep slumber. The being's eyes opened wide to reveal strange piercing lavender pupils and it stared at Spike for a minute, unmoving. The tiny mouth opened suddenly and Spike leaned forward expectantly. Before the words could form in Spike's mind, the first thing he heard from the being was a melodic and soothing sound, like an orchestra of bells ringing in perfect sync, like a thousand flutes playing in a field of a thousand winds. What the being said in its beautiful voice was so unexpected that it shocked him out of the trance caused by the creature's inflection.   
  
"I'm hungry. Do you have anything to eat?"  
  
___________________ _ _  
  
"So that's how I got here." The being's entire speech which should have took minutes to finish instead took an hour because of the frequent pauses it took to eat and chew. Spike was surprised when it asked for pizza and was surprised again at how much the little thing could consume.   
  
"So let me get this straight. You are a faery. That bloody thing that is now dust on my floor was a-"  
  
"A gargoyle."  
  
"Right. And it wanted you wings which can control the water element. You traveled through a portal and into this realm in hopes of escaping the big oaf. But it followed you and that's how you ended up here."  
  
"Right."  
  
"Why didn't you say that spell or whatever a long time ago?"  
  
"Why do you think I came to this realm? I was looking for the Vanquish spell to kill the stupid monster and I found it."   
  
"Alright. How long were you in this realm?"   
  
"Oh, about a hundred years."   
  
Spike nearly spit up the blood he was drinking. "How old are you? And how did you survive a hundred years among humans looking like that?"  
  
"Oh. You don't read much do you. There has got to be thousands of novels about elemental faerys. All the creatures from my realm can change to look human. I just like my natural state better. And I'm pretty young, about a thousand years old."  
"Oh." Spike searched though his mind for another question and found none. "Okay. If you're done eating, you can leave now. Go back to your realm or whatever. I think I need to lie down."  
  
"Actually, it's not that easy. Well, no, it is that easy. Okay. Make your wish so I can leave."   
  
Spike was baffled for a minute, no idea in his brain as to what the faery was talking about.   
  
"Oh yeah. I forgot. You don't read much." Spike growled. "You saved my life. You get a wish. One wish only. I'm not a big Genie from some Disney movie."   
  
The blonde vampire just stared at the blue figure looking expectantly up at him from the floor it was sitting on, completely stunned.   
  
  
  
Chapter Three  
Spike sat quietly on his sofa, deep in thought, while the faery sat next to him, deep in boredom. A lollipop that had appeared from nowhere was held firmly between the creature's mouth, protruding from the side of her thin lips like a cigar. Its eyes were closed, hiding the lavender beauty that were deathtraps for lone swimmers. It was completely silent in Spike's crypt except for the faery's sighs that escaped every now and then. Before long, the mythical creature's patience ran out.  
"Are you ready? I haven't been home in an extremely long time and I'd like to get there before my wings shrivel up."  
"Oh, I apologize, love. I'm very sorry I can't give you an answer to something that may change my unlife completely. This isn't exactly something I can quickly decide, you know. It takes time and patience. I can't rush into this like I usually do with other things."   
"It is very simple. Just wish for something that everyone wants: absolute power."   
"I don't want that. What would I do with absolute power? I can't even use it to kill humans because of that bloody chip- Oh damn! I almost forgot! The bloody chip! I can finally get rid of it!"  
He sat back with a sigh or frustration. He had been thinking of asking the faery for something else he might want more: Buffy. Chip. Buffy. Chip. Buffy. Chip. Buffy... Spike rubbed his temples with his fingers and closed his eyes. Oh bloody hell. Why did it have to be so difficult. The faery mimicked Spike and fell back against the sofa. It reached into its pocket which also seemed to have appeared out of thin air and pulled out another lollipop. It turned towards Spike.  
"Well, I waited a hundred years to finally go home, I can wait a few more hours. And it better take a few more hours; one day tops. Here, have a sucker."   
It giggled at its own silly pun and offered the sour apple lollipop to the vampire. Spike stared at the faery with an expression of near shock, one eyebrow arched over an icy blue eye, wondering if it was serious. When he saw that it was, he shrugged and took the lollipop.  
"Hey, pet, I don't much fancy sour apple. Do you have a strawberry-flavored one?"  
  
_______________ _ _  
  
"So you see, I'm kind of stuck between the love of my unlife or freedom from this sodding chip in my head. It's not an easy decision. If I chose Buffy, I'm not sure I would be happy because I would know that it wasn't real. But then I think that I'd probably be content with her false love, that I would forget all about the wish if I could hold her in my arms and stroke her hair while she sleeps, if I could finally gaze into her wide hazel eyes and see it empty of hate and disgust. But then who am I kidding. I know I'll feel bloody horrible knowing that she did not choose to let me hold her, that she would never let me touch her in the way I dream of doing if she had a choice."  
  
Spike had no idea why he told the faery all of this, why he confessed his unrequited love for his enemy. It was because of it's damnable eyes, so wide and beautiful. Or maybe it was because of it's voice of a thousands flutes. It was hard to deny anything the faery asked for.   
  
"Well, if you love her so much, why would you want the chip out of your head? Without the chip, she would never get near you. She'd probably stake your poor heart. Do you want to kill humans? Because if you do, I see no possible way for you to get your girl."   
  
"I don't know. It's all very confusing. I've been this almighty vampire for so long, the slayer of two slayers and all that crap, it's so bloody upsetting to not be able to kill humans, to have them not fear me. I can't even scare a mortal."   
  
"Now that is where you're wrong. You can scare plenty of mortals. You just put on your vamp-face and AARGGHH!, jump out from behind a building and flash you fangies. I promise you, grown men will run screaming like girls. I've done it a few times for laughs. Oh, but be careful with the girl scouts, they can really-"  
  
"All right, all right. I get the idea. But that's just bark. There's no bite. If I got my "vamp-face" on with Willow, she'd probably smile and pat my bleached head. They know I can't harm them. I feel so bloody..."  
  
"Useless...? Disgraceful...? Weak...? Small...? Out of place?"   
  
Spike brought his pale hands up to cover his face and groaned.   
  
"Sorry. Okay, let's get down to the serious stuff. You don't want to wish for Buffy, right?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Then I guess you're going to wish for the de-chipping..." There was a questioning tone in its voice and there was a slight pause before Spike answered.   
  
"Yeah."  
  
"All right." The faery stood up and stretched its thin blue arms high above its head and sighed.   
  
"Well, it's been fun. Thanks for the pizza. We should do lunch sometimes."   
  
"So this chips out of my head?"  
  
"Yeah." The faery reached into its pocket which never appeared to have anything in it and pulled out a small box wrought with intricate carvings of flowers and foreign characters. Spike thought it was like watching Mary Poppins pull a lamp from her purse.   
  
"What's in the box?" Spike looked curiously at the object in the faery's long blue fingers.   
  
"My wings." It fingered the carvings lovingly, not looking up at Spike who had not bothered to move. The faery whispered a few unintelligible words and a swirling blue cloud suddenly appeared in front of it, growing larger and larger until it was a few inches short of the crypt's ceiling. The faery stood still for a minute and stared fixedly into the portal to its home, joy evident on it's face. The faery turned from the portal to look at the vampire once more and the joy melted from its eyes and its smile disappeared. Spike had not moved from his position even though it was midnight and he had regained his ability to kill and feed off humans. He sat in his sofa, staring off into space, oblivious to the fact that a portal into a land beyond beautiful had formed in his crypt.   
  
The faery threw its head back and groaned, covering it's face with it's hands. It screamed one syllable in an alien language and the cloudy portal behind it vanished.  
  
  
Chapter Four  
  
Spike didn't notice the faery's moan or the missing portal; he was lost in thought, unhappiness, and possibly regret. But he did notice when the faery jumped into the couch next to him and comically grabbed his face with both hands, forcing Spike to notice it's frustrated face.   
  
"You. Are. Utterly. Completely. Stupid." The faery accentuated every syllable by shaking Spike's head and then let go of him when she collapsed against the couch with a heavy sigh. "Wonderful. I can't take the wish back so that won't work. We have to think of something else. Think, think, think." Right then, Spike found his voice.  
  
"What are you going on about, you silly bint."   
  
"Don't call me a silly bint! I'm going to stay in this realm out of the kindness of my own heart and help you because you obviously can't help yourself. Now think. What are we going to do?"  
  
A ghost of a smile appeared on Spike's face when he sat back again next to the faery. He didn't want to admit it but he liked the faery and it's company.  
  
"And since we are going to be together for a lot longer than I though, I'll give you one of my many names. Call me Hope. I've always loved that name."  
  
"All right, love...I mean Hope."   
And with that, Hope and Spike both heaved a sigh, each thinking up a scheme to accomplish the impossible.  
____________ __ _  
(after a couple of impossible and crazy plans...)  
"I'm stuck."  
"You know what, love. I'd just settle for her friendship. I know I have no chance but I'd rather have her like me a little than hate me."  
Both of them were quiet for a time, the silence comfortable and welcoming.   
"So how do you think we'll get her to like you."  
"Pet, it can't be we. I have to do it myself. You can help if you wish but it has to be me, no magic or spells or anything of the sort."  
"Okay. But a little magic never hurt. Hey, you know what you can try?"  
"What?"  
"Be nice to her. And try not to be a pain is the ass. And try not to make unruly comments and use that sense of humor and charm."  
"You want me to be a wanker? And I do use my sense of humor and charm! I am a very funny and charming guy."  
"Whatever."   
"What? You don't think I'm charming or funny?"  
"I think you can be pretty annoying sometimes."  
"Sod off."  
_______________ _ _  
Spike leaned heavily against some poor bloke's tombstone, smoking a cigarette and thinking. He had decided to take a walk and convinced Hope to stay in the crypt and get some sleep. Spike had a hunch that Hope knew what he planned to do. The faery had stared deep into Spike's mind, not into his soul because he owned none, with her lavender eyes and left him clawing to escape.  
And here he was, sitting on a grave and thinking. He had walked around for some time and came across a young woman, fresh and innocent. It had been easy to catch her but it was really hard to bite and murder someone you love. Oh no, it had not been Buffy. But when he looked at the woman, really more of a girl, her features changed: raven colored hair had changed into honey and brown eyes had melted into beautiful green ones. It had been hard, too hard to even make the effort. Spike had let that one escape. He thought maybe a male mortal would be easier. He had been wrong. It was easier yes, but all the same. He had come so close, his fangs nearly touching skin, he could already taste the sweet blood, but he closed his eyes and all he saw was his angel, his weeping slayer. He never saw his dark-haired princess when he closed his eyes anymore, only a golden angel.   
And this was where he ended up after about some time of walking. He had lost track after the first half-hour, just as helpless as when he had the chip in his head. Conscience is probably part of the soul, that's why he never had one when he killed before he was chipped. But now, Buffy had somehow become his conscience, a small part of the soul he did not have. He was nothing now, a helpless creature with no place in the world and nothing can own nothing and yet he still yearned for everything. He brought his hands up to rub his face tiredly. Maybe things would be easier if he didn't love Buffy, if he felt nothing for her. But deep down, somewhere inside his unbeating heart, he knew he would rather be miserable and in love with her than free from difficulties and despise her. Oh, what a hateful world.   
"What are you doing here." The slayer. Spike groaned inwardly. It was a hateful world.  
"I was resting after a full night of dancing on dead people's graves, love. What are you doing here? Your patrolling should have ended a couple hours ago."  
"I'm not tired yet. And you should go back to your home or crypt or whatever.It's almost dawn."  
"Why do you care?"  
"You know what, Spike. I don't."  
Buffy looked around the grave and sensed no vampires on the prowl or rising from the grassy green earth. She really didn't expect them anyway because, after all, it was nearly dawn. And she felt no urge to go home and her empty bed, proof of her loneliness after Riley left her. Or after she let Riley get away. She still held on to the hope that maybe he would return but with every passing day, a little bit of her hope died. She sat down on a stone bench in the cemetery, ignoring the vampire sitting only a couple feet away and letting her guard down because she had nothing to fear from him.  
"Missing Captain Cardboard, pet?"  
"Shut up, Spike, or I will pin you to the ground and laugh while you disintegrate when the sun comes up."  
Spike, remembering Hope's words, decided it was best not to respond.   
"Do you miss him?"  
Buffy looked up to threaten to kill him in an even worse way but paused when she saw the seriousness in his eyes. She looked away and ignored him, preferring not to think about why Spike has been acting so strange the past few couple of weeks. She didn't need another trouble weighing down on her mind. Her life was horrible. She lost two of her lovers, her mom nearly died, her father never called, even when her mother was diagnosed with the tumor, and she had the weight of the world on her shoulders. Half the lives she saved every night for the past couple of years and nearly died protecting didn't deserve it. Life was practically meaningless for her. Suddenly, Buffy realized she was shaking and tears were gathering in her eyes. She fought to control her sobs; she was definitely not going to cry, especially not in front of Spike. She hunched over and viciously wiped away her tears and found she couldn't control them. Now was the time to go, to escape into the safety and privacy of her room where she could display weakness without an audience. But before she could get up, a figure appeared n front of her. Spike.   
She stood up anyway, avoiding Spike's penetrating gaze and turned to walk away, shaking and nearly blinded by tears that wouldn't stop; ready to run if it was necessary. Before she could take a step in the other direction, he had already captured her, holding her tightly in his arms, stroking her hair with his hand comfortingly, his head resting on hers. For a brief moment, she let herself forget; forget Spike was a soulless vampire, an evil creature that had taunted her and cut her with his words on more than one occasion, forget that she despised him, forget that she had to be strong; and let herself be embraced. For one period in time, she succumbed to the need to be comforted and protected instead of being the comforter, the protector; something that she never let herself do with Riley. Let herself stop having to be so strong all the time and the walls of ice around her heart crumbled. And then she pushed Spike away and ran.   
For a few seconds after Buffy ran away, Spike stood there, arms hanging limply by his sides. The loss shocked him. For a brief period in time, Spike had been content. Buffy had been in his arms and he had been able to touch her in ways he only dreamed of, comforting her in ways even Riley had not. He could still smell her perfume and feel her hot breath on his neck. The sudden thought of letting the moment slip through his fingers when he had been so close sunk into his hazy mind and Spike nearly screamed. He had to catch her.   
Spike ran through the cemetery and the trees in the direction Buffy went, hoping she hadn't left. He had to catch her and rebuild the bridge that somehow formed when he embraced her. He couldn't let her go, not when he was so close. Relief filled his worried heart when saw her leaning against a tree and sobbing into her hands. This was completely out of character. Spike stood a few feet away from the sobbing slayer, unsure of what to do.   
"I understand what you're going through, Buffy."  
"Leave me alone, Spike." She choked out through her tears. "You don't understand anything! How can you possibly understand anything?!" By this time, her screams had become heartbroken wailing, her mental strength abandoning her mind and leaving her weak and vulnerable for the first time in so long. Strong arms encircled her tentatively and she clung onto Spike desperately, sobbing and soaking his shirt with her tears.   
  
end .. ?  
  
possible sequel. you probably hate me for ending it so quickly and ambiguously so i'll try to force myself into writing a sequel. but maybe i won't try because i didn't like this fanfic very much. if i ignore this fanfic for about a month and read it again, i'd probably be shocked and disgusted beyond words. what do you think? 


End file.
